FATHERHOOD 3 - Understanding The Word "Father"

Fatherhood 3 -

Understanding the word “Father”

Fatherhood can be coined as a term to encompass the answers to the question “Who is a father?”, “what does it take to be a father?”, “how can one become a father?” I believe that if men understand the word “father”, we would have more responsible men in our world today. We would have more men with results and proofs of progress in every area of their lives.

I would like to make some somewhat amazing statements. They are as follows:

-          There is a difference between being male, being a man and being a father.

-          Being male is about gender, being a man is about growth and choices (and there are different kinds of growth) but being a father is about responsibility.

-          Every Father is a male but not every male is a father.

-          Every male starts as a boy, grows to become a man and undertakes the responsibility of a father.

-          While chronological age may be important in growing into becoming a man, it is not the most important factor in growth.

-          Some boys become men by 16, while some “men” are still boys by sixty.

Being a father starts with being a male. As he grows in every aspect of human development, the male becomes a man. If the man accepts and engages in activities tied to fatherhood, he can then be ultimately called a father.

So the process is thus as follows:

                          Male → Boyhood → Manhood → Fatherhood

Misconceptions about Fatherhood and Manhood

1.      1. Manhood, Fatherhood and Sexual prowess

This is one of the gravest misconceptions about these concepts. Through the years, most people have come to believe that a man is someone who has records of exploits of sexual prowess. One who can handle any lady in bed and make her “suffer” (if you know what I mean). While it is true that a man should be able to perform the sex act satisfactorily, the concept of manhood and fatherhood is not all about sex. Sexual ability is a biological function. Manhood and fatherhood goes beyond sex and much more. To equate manhood and fatherhood to only sexual prowess or ability is an abuse of the purpose and divine intent of sex. It is no wonder today, we have a lot of fatherless children, unwed mothers, runaway fathers and juvenile delinquents. After sex, are you ready for its consequences? Did you prepare in advance for the events that could follow the sexual activity? If you are helpless as regards the consequences of your sexual activity, how can you say you are a man? Do you really  

know what manhood is, how about fatherhood? Please,Think again.

1.      2. Manhood, Fatherhood and Money Power

Believing that money power is what manhood and fatherhood is all about is another great misconception. Money, as important as it is, is not what these concepts are all about. If you think because you have money, you can do whatever you like, to whomever and whenever you like, it is clear something is wrong with that kind of thinking. Though we will elaborate more on the meaning of manhood later, but one of the distinctive marks of a man is that he is in charge. He controls and he is in charge of his emotions, whether he has money or not and not the other way round. Yes, when you have good money in your account, you tend to be happy and feel good. Conversely, when you do not have money in your pocket or account, you can feel terrible or even powerless. But be that as it may, a male who has achieved growth into manhood is one who has mastered the control of his emotions in spite of what he has or do not have. To relate manhood and fatherhood to money power exclusively is a terrible misconception. That is why today, we have polygamous families with its myriad of problems and confusions. We have men who because of money controlling them, have put so many women in misery, raising the children alone; we have children who have never experienced any fatherly love, mentoring or care. It’s not about the money or the lack of it. Manhood and fatherhood is beyond money power. We need to change our thinking, to be delivered from the wrong effects of our past thinking.

3. 3. Manhood, Fatherhood and Marriage

Getting married does not automatically transit a man from being a boy into being a man. It is a misconception that has been lingering in our minds for too long, and it has caused serious damage to many homes. A good number of couples are actually married ‘boys’ and ‘girls’. They are grown up children who got married. Children in adult bodies. While it is expected that a man should get married to a woman, unfortunately, we have boys getting married to girls. A good number of marital problems being experienced today by so many homes, boil down to this misconception. The boys have to do some rapid growing up in their thinking so they can become men. Marriage in itself will not transform you into a man and a father. You need to change your thinking.

4.  4. Manhood, Fatherhood and Children

That you have biological children call you “daddy”, “papa”, or the children of your siblings calling you “uncle”, doesnt translate a person into being a father. Fathering a child is not the same thing as Being a Father. You can father a child and yet not be recognized by the child as being his/her father. Reminds me of a certain colleague of mine who at a time because of the low manpower in his department, had to do repeated night calls for close to a year. A time came when his small baby refused to come towards his father. He got broken at heart  one day, when he heard his small baby boy tell the mum that, “mummy, i don’t like this man that always come to our house”. Fatherhood is beyond being able to impregnate a woman so she can deliver. It is so much more than we thought.

So what is Fatherhood?

                           

                    WE CONTINUE IN THE NEXT SERIES