REWIRING MEN'S MINDSET

So I was a guest on a family talk show this morning and I was asked "why does society put a higher moral burden on the girl and excuse the irresponsibility of the male"?

Hmmmmm very interesting conversation. At the core of the perceived "letting the boys off the hook" is the traditional masculine ideology which has 2 basic fundamentals.

Society has successfully socialised boys to believe they are "superior" to women and secondly,women are "sexual objects" of satisfaction to men.

At the core of the imbalance in moral expectations between females and males are the above ideologies that are passed from generation to generation.

We obviously have to do a lot of re programing to get things running at the intended plan where men set examples in all spheres including morales.

I will conclude this write up at a later date.

[Source: Deji Irawo]

A TRUE LIFE CONFESSION

It was a Sunday morning service and we were expecting to go through the routine service line ups. But we were in for a great change in our normal order of service.

Right after the opening prayer, our Pastor introduced a very old man as the guest speaker for that morning. He didn't look familiar to any of us. There were no Praises, no Worship, no Testimonies, no Choir ministration to usher in the man of God.
This old man climbed the pulpit as it were, and all eyes were fixed on him. The place was dead silent; you could have heard the drop of the tiniest of pins. It was as if a holy awe had descended to swallow all the noise in the Church auditorium.

When he opened his mouth, he spoke these words:
"I am just returning from the burial rites of one of my son's in the Lord". It wasn't what he said that made us more interested in what he had to tell us, but how he said it! It came from the depth of his soul.

"Before he died...", the man continued, "he came to my office and made a Confession to me. He pleaded with me to share with any willing audience. I called your Pastor because the Holy Spirit spoke to me that there are many of you young people here who can pick one or two vital lessons from the death of my son in the Lord".

The Silence became more louder! Everyone of us was arrested by the Holy Spirit to hear and heed to what the Lord had to say to us through this man. We just couldn't take our gaze, our hearts and minds off this unusual old man.
"This was his confession", he broke the Silence finally.

*(In the dead pastor's words).......*

"It was one Sunday afternoon after church service, and I heard a knock on my door. I was relaxing in the office because we had just closed a very beautiful and powerful service. The Power of God had fallen like rain upon the Church-- miracles, Healings, Prophetic ministrations and deliverance, Holy Spirit Baptism and any kind of move of the Holy Spirit you could identify with. I should have headed straight to the house to rest because that's the signal I had in my spirit. Instead, I came to the office to recline in my chair.
I asked the person to come in, and behold, there was this unusually beautiful and well-rounded fair lady before my face. I asked her to take the seat across my desk.

She introduced herself as a new convert- she had just received Jesus Christ as her personal Savior and Lord. She started heaping accolades upon my head, claiming how powerful and anointed I was, and how tremendously her life has been impacted by the morning's message and ministrations.
I was obviously happy that God had brought and won a new soul to Church.

She then told me how very great a miracle it was that God brought her to Church that faithful Sunday because she had just received an amount of money equivalent to 50 million Ghana Cedis, and she wanted to pay her tithe. She needed guidelines regarding how to invest the money. Her purpose for coming was first of all to introduce herself as a new active member of the Church of God, and also to seek my advice regarding how to invest the money, and of course pay her tithe. She was hoping that I could recommend some faithful and honest business men in the Church she could partner with.

This news was warmly received; my excitement knew no bounds. All of a sudden, unfinished and new projects of the Church started coming to mind- how we can use the tithe which was like 5 million Ghana Cedis to complete and start new projects. I was now merrier than before.

Out of excitement, I told her to write her address down because I wanted to visit her personally so we could discuss this goodnews in greater details.

She wrote down the address, and excused herself to leave. I didn't notice how seductive she was dressed until she stood to leave. All my adrenaline started running through my head to the tip of my trousers. I rebuked it but it made no difference. It seemed to me she noticed the effects her stature has had on me. I thought I even saw a smile on her face, but it didn't make no difference to me because I had her tithe on my mind.

I became restless after she had left. I wanted to run after her, to embrace her from behind, and to also take my tithe of course. But my body was too tired to obey such sentiments. I headed straight home, and had an unusually long rest. When I woke up it was morning already. Since Mondays were my days of rest, I decided to give her a call first thing after I had taken my bath and breakfast. I followed through my plans of course. It seemed I was possessed; I couldn't get her and her money out of my system. I felt the spirit of Grace speaking to my heart to be careful but I rebuked that Voice, reasoning that as a Shepherd I must take care of the Lord's Flock, especially the new ones. She was obviously new, and I had to concentrate on building her to become a spiritual giant. She could even become a singer in the Choir. All these I reasoned within to shut out and to shut down the Voice of the Spirit of Grace.

Before I realized I was with my phone dialing her digits. She was obviously expecting me by the sound of her voice on the other line. This was indeed a Divine confirmation that God wanted me to call her- so I reasoned within my heart to cloud the uneasiness I felt in my heart regarding this strange lady.

Even the story of the strange woman in the book of Proverbs came to mind but I quickly brushed it aside with a different Scripture, saying that all of us are sinners, making all of us strange men and women before God. If God accepted us as we were, I had to obviously accept her as the Lord had done to me. All these steps of thoughts gave me a false peace in my heart.

I put on my best dress and headed her address. I didn't inform any of the deacons and the elders of this great door the Lord was opening. I wanted to surprise them, testifying about the wonders of God. I had a prompting to call one of the women fellowship leaders to go with me but I quickly threw such suggestion outside the window. I needed to assure this new Sister that I personally cared for her life.

I got to her place in no time. The sight which greeted me should have sent common sense in my mind to run for my life but I couldn't because I had my mind made up to have her become a committed member of the Church and the money of course.

She was in a see-through blue attire, wearing this seductive smile on her face. My heart was by now beating faster than a 100m racer. I still had to chance to leave because I had not entered the room yet. But I found myself smiling broadly as I entered her room.
She excused herself in order to bring me something soft to drink. It was when she was leaving my presence that I noticed that she had no underwear on. That alone should have sent me packing but I didn't because I had convinced myself that I needed to establish her as a member and of course, take my tithe of 5 million Ghana Cedis!

As she was away, series of Scriptures started coming to my heart, as though a man were standing before me, reading these verses aloud. Scriptures of fleeing Temptations, Samson and Delilah, Tamar and Judah, Joseph and Portiphar's wife, Israel and the Moabite Women, came very alive to my heart. I didn't heed to any of these warnings. That moment was supernaturally elongated because I felt the Recollection of the Scriptures had taken more than one hour. It all happened with 5 minutes.

Afterwards, she came wearing that same seductive smile, and swinging her waist rhythmically to a song only she could hear.
We exchanged the normal pleasantries. We even prayed; I spoke in tongues for some 10 minutes. She was saying resounding  Amens to all the declarations and blessings.

When I was through, she came to sit very close to me. I could see her breasts, and that adrenaline that rushed through my head to the tips of my trousers came all over, this time with such intensity that I thought I was under an electric shock. She pressed her chest against my arm, and before long we were kissing. There was no going back- eventually I slept with her or rather she slept with me.
When we were through, she smiled a smile of Victory that shook me to the very core of my being. It's influence was more powerful than the pleasures I had experienced within those few moments back. I sheepishly smiled back at her. I couldn't recall what happened between that moment and the time I got home. My thoughts were clouded. I didn't have that fiery feeling I always had in my belly again- something tangible and indispensable had left me. I didn't know to weep or laugh. My thoughts were scattered. The pain I experienced within those dark moments were such deep and horrific that no level of pleasure could have offset such anguish and hopelessness. The day ended.

I went to the office on Tuesday morning, and I received a video on my whatsapp. I downloaded it, and to the deepest shock of my life, I saw myself busily and hungrily having sex with a woman whose face had been edited from the video. My face was clear as crystal.
Within very few minutes there was a knock on my door and without beckoning the person to come in, the knob turned and there stood before me lady of my nightmares.

She was no longer the composed, affectionate, smiling lady I saw just a couple of days before. The lady that stood before me was fierce and had wickedness written all over her face. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest.

She made herself comfortable in the chair opposite mine, and without being asked what her mission was, she spat these words *'You fool, I will show you pepper'.* She made good actions of her words. She demanded a cheque of 10 million Ghana Cedis from the tithes of the Church or else she would release the video on all social media platforms. She gave me two days to produce such money or else my end was as certain as the break of dawn. She stood to take her leave.

I think I saw her face turned to be something demonic. She began laughing hysterically. When she was through, she looked straight into my eyes and said blatantly, *'Pastor Timothy, I AM TAKING YOU DOWN'.* And she walked out of the office."

*(The Young man's voice is now over...the old Preacher continued).*

"He came to see me a few days after. He couldn't cry, he couldn't pray, he couldn't say any proper words of confession. I tried praying with him but the Heavens over us were shut. Only a passage of Scripture stood in the Atmosphere:
  *Hebrews 10:26-31 (NKJV)*
26 For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins,
27 but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries.
28 Anyone who has rejected Moses' law dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses.
29 Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of grace?
30 For we know Him who said, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. And again, "The Lord will judge His people."
31 It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God."....

By now, everyone was sobbing. We were all lamenting over  the story we just heard from this old Preacher. The young pastor committed suicide. He was anointed. He was powerful.

The old man continued...
"I came here because there are many of you who are still living in sin, seeking no help from its deliverance.

The Enemy saw a weakness or two in him; lust for money and beautiful, well-rounded women. The Devil was more than glad to offer these because he knew he could eventually get hold of him.

The Spirit of Revelation whispered to my heart: _the pastor didn't deal with the little Foxes in his life when he was under training._ He occasionally satisfied his lust by framing stories to get money;  and watching pornographic materials.

The Spirit of Grace was on him, Teaching, Guiding, Rebuking, Correcting him.... yet he didn't listen. If he listened, he didn't apply Jesus' formula of dealing with weights and besetting sins: *If your right hand offends you, CUT IT OFF for it is far better to enter into life Maimed than to perish with your whole body intact*.
*He played around sin.*
*He cajoled sin.*
*He treated sin lightly.*
*He entertained that which had the capacity to destroy him, both in time and in eternity.*
The first thing Sin takes care of in a person's life is the Glory of God. You lose your spiritual beauty and splendor once you live in sin.

Listen to me, my dear young people:
_You cannot use smartness of analysis and scriptural inductions to confuse God._ Forever His Word is firmly established. *Seriously consider the following Scriptures:*
*Galatians 5:19-21; 1 John 3:8;* *Hebrews 4:6-7; 2 Peter 1:5-10".*

He then prayed with all of us, making an Altar Call for who had wanted to receive Jesus Christ into their hearts, and those of us who needed to rededicate their lives to the Lord Jesus Christ.

We didn't take an offering that Sunday...
Friends didn't walk in groups...
Everyone was engrossed in his or her thoughts, perhaps pondering on the sad story of the promising young man of God and also our own very conditions before the Lord.

*_Every little thing you are doing in secret has the potential to bring unto you a public ridicule or applause the future._*
*Grace is not a license to nonsense.*
*Sin is a mocker- it's wages is still DEATH.*

[ Source: Anonymous]

WHAT MEN NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THEIR WIFE

A lot of people have made comments which has led me to believe that they think I have had it easy in marriage, probably because of the way I write. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on your perspective; I haven't, My wife and I have had our fair share of quarrels and disagreements, some of which threatened the very foundation of our marriage; but because we have God, love, tolerance and understanding we always emerge stronger and closer with a renewed resolve each time to stay happily together until death do us part. We have always reminded ourselves that since we are in this until the end, it will be foolish not to create a happy environment for each other and the kids. I don't know what tomorrow holds for us, but one thing is for sure, we will try to keep our promise to each other that we will not let any issues derail our journey.

I am not perfect, I have made mistakes and will probably make more, the important thing is to realise when you have erred and genuinely ask your spouse for forgiveness. This is extremely difficult for some men, but If you can be man enough to kneel and propose to your wife, you should be an even bigger man to go on two knees and ask for forgiveness when you know you have hurt her. I have done it, and it doesn't make my wife respect me less, I'd rather beg, be forgiven and be happy than be stubborn and end up miserable. Playing "the macho man head of the family" card when you know you are wrong creates an irreparable damage which if allowed to go on will ultimately destroy even the closest couple.

After I got married 17 years ago, the first thing I did in my ignorance was to immediately crown myself the undisputed king and master of my household and demand total submission from my wife. She resisted initially, but being properly groomed, kind hearted and in love, she submitted totally. I was elated, finally I have secured my kingdom. One month, two months, three months, I became bored and lonely at the top, I suddenly realized that I have lost my voice of reason and my adviser. I quickly moved to remedy the situation, but my wife had become very good and comfortable at submitting, I became miserable. It took many months to get her back to a point where she can again fearlessly oppose me on issues, but with a subtle reverence.

Gentlemen, one of the biggest mistakes a man will make is to marry a woman who will sheepishly submit to your whims and caprices. A woman who will never oppose you or have an opinion, a woman who is too afraid of you to speak out, The day this happens is the day you become doomed to fail. A wife is the only person who knows the real you, therefor she will give genuine advise because  your failure or success is hers as well. If she has kids for you, it makes her more passionate when protecting your interests because by extension she is protecting her children's future.

A woman is very analytical, intuitive and possesses the best character profiling abilities. I have a habit of inviting people I want to do business with home so that my wife can scan for possible hidden threats, she is almost never wrong. The few times my ego blinded me to the veracity of her advise, I made terrible mistakes which I have had to deal with to date. Listen to her always, it will save you a great deal.

Your wife is not the enemy, when you exert too much energy fighting her at home, where will you find the strength to fight your many daily battles out there. Your home must be a heaven of peace to ensure good health, happiness and maximum productivity for both of you. It is completely okay to disagree or quarrel, how you emerge from these disagreements is what makes the difference between sadness and Joy. You are the man, she knows this, she also knows you are physically stronger, she may not tell you, she accepts that you are the head of the family, so you don't have anything to prove to her. She will still nag, accuse you or disagree with you unnecessarily sometimes, all she needs is reassurances of your love and commitment to her. Your patience will be tested, as the leader you must teach by example and remain calm always, avoid being drawn into arguments so that both of you won't say things you will regret later. Remember physical injuries may heal, but verbal scars last a lifetime, when she throws tantrums or becomes annoyingly unreasonable, treat her like a daughter who doesn't know what she is doing, caution and correct in love. There is a reason you chose her over all the others keep this in mind always. You can always get a woman to do whatever you want but you have to be patient,  avoid fashioning your request to look like an order, pamper her first , show her love, then ask with a smile, she is all yours -
[Source: Sir Stanley Ekezie]

WHAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT AWOLOWO

*** Please read the letter below, by Chief Awolowo requesting for an education loan from Chief Timothy Adeola Odutola on March 25, 1943 , (the richest Ijebu man in those days) and promised to pay back by 1955. It is fascinating, long and interesting. ****

~ LETTER:

Dear Mr. Odutola,

I think it will be an exceeding saving of time and more business-like if I avoid all sweet preliminaries and go straight into the object of this letter and say that I am writing to ask you to be good enough to lend me a sum of £1,400 (One thousand and four hundred pounds) free of interest for twelve years.

It is a staggering figure! More staggering indeed does it become, when it is realized that I, who am asking for this loan, have nothing in all the world to give as a security for this money, excepting my good faith and my brains which again are of value only so long as I continue to breathe the breath of life!

Nevertheless, I here proceed to outline in brief why i want this big loan from you. And I hope you will be kind enough to sacrifice some time to go through what I have to say, even though, in  the end you might find yourself unable to do me this grand favour.

One great ambition of mine since my boyhood days is to be a lawyer, a politician and a journalist, rolled into one. I cherish politics and journalism as a career, and I desire advocacy as a means of livelihood. For you will agree with me that a politician or journalist who has no money with which to support himself and family comfortably, is like a blade which has no razor.

Now, at one time, I was on the verge of making enough money with which I could proceed to England in order to pursue the object of my ambition; but I suffered a twist in my fortune, and I crashed. Ever since, I have tried without success to recover lost grounds, financially. But spiritually and intellectually, I have made appreciable advance in spite of towering difficulties, all of which have now been surmounted.

As you are aware, I have just passed the intermediate Bachelor of Commerce Examination. Next year, I am taking the final B.Com. Having a degree is not my goal; I hate to be a government or mercantile employee. Otherwise, there are opportunities for me here and there to get a suitable and well paid job under government or one of the mercantile houses. As you know, however, once I become an employee of government or a mercantile establishment that is the end to my career as a politician and journalist. I have therefore resolved that under no circumstances will I take up such employment.

That is just by the way. I am now thirty-four years of age. After careful thought, I have come to the conclusion that if I could raise a loan free of interest sufficient to cover expenses, I should go to England, this year and within three years, I should qualify as a Barrister –at –law, and also obtain with Honours the LL.B Degree of London University. In addition this degrees apart from giving me good backing as a solicitor and Advocate will help me immensely as a politician and journalist.

But where on earth could i get the money? Who in Nigeria today could give £1,400 free of interest to help his fellow-man? J. Henry Doherty, Esq., of illustrious memory who did the like to many successful Nigerians is no more. But after meticulous, shifting and weighing, I hit upon you.

I have no doubt whatsoever in my mind that out of the bounty with which providence blesses your grit and efforts as a businessman, you can well easily afford to advance such a sum of money. I have no doubt too that as a young and progressive man you will be quite happy to give the money for the pursuit of the project for which I desire it.

But then, could you take this risk?

That is the question. As I have said before, I have no security for this loan. Moreover, I want it free of interest. So that you stand to gain absolutely NOTHING in the whole transaction, except the satisfaction that by helping me to achieve my ambition you are indirectly or even directly helping Nigeria or even Africa.

This risk becomes greater when it is borne in mind that I might die in the course of my studies or immediately after, so that, since I have no security or surety, you stand the chance of losing not only the money but also the satisfaction which you may cherish that you are contributing to the uplift of Africa. It is indeed a great risk; the greatest any man ever embarks upon.

But, this is a big BUT, if I live, as I have no doubt I will do, you will not only get your money back in full, but you will, to the end of your days, have cause to rejoice that you have done one of the most outstanding and most philanthropic acts any human being ever does. Among other things, I shall make excellent use of the money while in England by breaking records in my examination. On my return  to Nigeria, I shall strive to be one of the foremost advocates, politicians and writers in West Africa, and while I do all these, I shall make it a point not only to pay your money back in full, but also to repay your kindness and generosity towards me in every way I can.

All the same, it is a big risk! So, Sir, I like you to think seriously about it, and see if you can take it in the interest of a young man who has brain, industry and determination to back his ambition, but lacks the money. I know we have never been close friends, but I have a shrewd idea that you may take the risk and help me.

On this assumption, therefore, I proceed to the next and last stage of this letter.

I shall not require the whole £1,400 in a lump sum. To start with, you will help me pay a sum of £208-13s-3d to the Inner Temple. I have already received an application form from this Inn of Court; and from the details forwarded, I gather that the sum of £208-13s-3d will cover all the cost of training as a barrister, examination fees excluded.

When I am ready to sail, you will advance me a sum of £100 to cover passage, provision for my family and any other incidental expenses (NOTE: If I got torpedoed on the way, you would certainly lose this £100 but you will recover the £208-13s-3d).

At the same time you will remit to a London Bank the sum of £491-6s-9d. It is out of this amount that I shall pay the university fees for LL.B course and for special courses in political science and journalism, when I land in England. This is to say, the initial advance will total £800.

At the end of the first year, provided I make satisfactory progress in my studies, you will give instruction to the bank to honour all cheques from me drawn on this account. There will be an arrangement to be signed by me on my return.

On my return, I shall require TWO years within which to establish a solid practice and build a good reputation. After these two years, I should commence to pay at least £200 per annum either in monthly, quarterly or annual payments. So that in seven years after the first two years, I should pay back the whole sum of £1,400. That will be TWELVE YEARS from the time you help me to pay this in April or so this year, then I should be due to pay the whole of £1,400 by April 1955.

Now, as you yourself will see, this is the farthest limit within which I can pay the money. It may be possible for me to pay the money within THREE to FIVE years of my return. As a matter of fact, the sooner I pay it off, the better. But it is much better to be on the safe side in a matter like this. It is no making promises now which will be difficult to fulfil in future. On the contrary it is better to mention a period of twelve years and pay within SIX or EIGHT years than to mention FIVE YEARS and fail to pay within TEN years. Personally, I prefer that I should fail to get the loan under theses unattractive but sure conditions, rather than succeed in getting it under attractive but precarious conditions.

Now, this is all I have to say. You have my request before you, and the reason why i make the request. It is left for you to decide whether it is worthwhile to take the risk of helping me in the manner outlined above or not.

If you do me the great favour, not only myself and all that are mine, but also God and Africa will be grateful, I shall have no cause whatsoever to grumble or to blame you, FOR THE RISK IS GREAT.

Since this is a very selfish request, I enclosed herewith a self addressed stamped envelope to be sent under a registered post.

Obafemi Awolowo.

Merciful God!

* Chief Odutola refused him of the Loan, Awo could not travel that year. He buckle up his lace and by August 14, 1944 (one year later) he travelled to England, became a Barrister at law and was called to the Bar in November 1946. Amazingly, by 1954 (A year to the time he promised to pay Chief Odutola the Loan ) , Chief Awolowo was already a Premier in the Defunct Western Region and already giving out Scholarship to over 200 undergraduates (First of its kind in Africa).

I find it a great pleasure, to replicate the full version of the Awoistic dedicatory letter, following a stiff request by friends that the Nigerian Youths need to see and digest this memorial document.

YOU CAN GET FREE FROM EMOTIONAL WOUNDS

Many individual who have been hurt never realize that their feelings of rejection, anger, guilt, withdrawal, or negative responses are all a result of past abuse.

Be free to respond to God's creative plan for your life.

▪March 29th - April 1st.
▪5pm daily
▪ @ Shekina Plaza, 1 Ladoke Akintola Boulevard, Beside Monday Market, Garki 2, Abuja.

#UNBOUND with Kay Benson-Akhigbe II